1 - El Primero

We're not doing the Hans Solo and Princess Leia here...

Now technically I’m going off script with this one, but since he was the first and such a great guy, he gets a post.

By the way, if you haven't read the background post, feel free to take a step back. Or, jump right in and read on!

I met El Primero through a mutual friend. The problem with my friends setting me up on dates is their lack of true friendship. Basically, they suck. All jokes aside, the few friends that have tried to set me up on dates have never seen me date, so they don’t know the types of guys to whom I’m attracted. In my long tenure of being the token black girl in my friend group, it never fails. The scene:

Friend: Oh my gosh, I know a guy who’d be perfect for you!

Dubious me: Let me guess, he’s the only single black guy you know?

Friend: *Blink* Yeah, he’s great!

Eye roll. For those of you who don’t know, black people need to have more in common than just melanin in order to form a friendship, a bond, a romantic relationship, etc. We’re just weird like that, I guess. Just a part of #GrowingUpBlack.

Anyway, this case was no exception, but I agreed to date so I said yes. My friend sent him my number and we planned to meet for lunch on a Saturday afternoon at the Shops of Legacy.

I walk into the bougie vegan restaurant he chose, trying to make sure my hot pink flowy dress doesn’t fly up in the breeze. Keep the cheeks in check! I scan the rustic decor, looking for a lone Negro. Big and tall, I find him easily.

He was lovely. El Primero had skin like whipped chocolate and his smile gleamed white like the glint of snow-capped mountains. When he smiled, his whole face lit up, and I’ve only seen two pair of eyebrows better than his: my college roommate’s and my yoga buddy’s.

He and I click immediately and our conversation flows easily and pleasantly. We bond over being the only black friend in our friend group, and laugh as we swap stories of our crazy siblings.

“Dessert?” he asks.

“Duh, it's Saturday," I quip. We agree to share some nasty rhubarb nonsense that only 12 vegans vouching for dairyless ice cream would claim to find appetizing and laugh at how awful it is.

I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying his company. He’s funny, driven, jovial and he cries when he laughs. Literally every time. He's amazing. This tall, broad-shouldered man is #husbandmaterial...for the right wife.

The check comes and Test 1 ensues. He places his Southwest card in the check folio. I ask, “Do you mind me paying for my half?"

He hesitates, pondering and explains, “Well, I want the points on my card, how about you Venmo me your half instead?”

I burst out laughing. Well, there ya go.

He walks me to my car (thankfully the wind had calmed a bit) and says., “Oh, my #Venmo is MyVenmoName.”

And that was that. El Primero was handsome and fun and interesting and the whole date I was thinking, How do get this guy to marry my sister?

See, El Primero was not the least bit attractive to me. He 100% reminded me of the brother I never had. I’d never want my nipple anywhere near his face. Not in the least. Also, it turned out he’s 3 years younger than me, so hard pass. Great guy, but no thanks.

Test 1: Fail, ish.

Verdict: Friend Zone. We made plans to go to the movies as friends.

Click for Date 2 - Nondescript