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1 - El Primero

We're not doing the Hans Solo and Princess Leia here... Now technically I’m going off script with this one, but since he was the first...

2 - Nondescript

How many ways can you describe oatmeal, though... Early on during my time on Plenty of Porpoises or whatever, my swiping patterns (link...

3 - Gootense

Basically, if SpongeBob and DarthVader had a baby... If you’re reading this dating blog from the beginning, there’s a 70% chance you’re a...

4 - Sebastian aka Crusty Crab

A complete waste of eyeliner... I gave them all code names in my original post, but don't feel bad using this joker’s actual name because...

5 - Little Drummer Boy

Can I get some lukewarm porridge, please... I have two weaknesses: a strong jawline and a pair of deep, brown eyes. Okay, fine, I also go...

6 - Pufferfish

Basically just me and The Old Farmers Almanac... I call this gentleman Pufferfish because I'm kind of mean. If you've been reading this...

7 - Gootense The Sequel

See, what had happened was.... You people have really been wondering what happened with Gootense. He'd be flattered. This must be what...

8 - Cocky Ginger

Warning: explicit content. Explicitly foolish, too... In person, online daters (myself included) can tend to be a let down. Ex. Cocky...

9 - The Hottie Professor

Hey, Teacher? I don't understand... I excelled in school. I chose three tests at the beginning of all this, because I slay tests. Always...

10 - Abe Lincoln

Stretch out Urkel and then bleach him... Four score and seven years ago (give or take a few score and years) a slender man in a top hat...

11 - Hollywood

Easy on the eyes, queasy on the ears... From the very beginning, we've covered how I feel about the jiggle. I simply cannot. We've...

12 - Jolly Green

The moment you've all been waiting for... Alas, our month-long journey comes to an end with the final installment of the 12 Dates of...

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